My nipple is on Facebook.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
