if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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