It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Boobs are out for the taking
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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