Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
