I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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