Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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