Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
