Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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