So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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