just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
