All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
