I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
