He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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