lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
