cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
