Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
