This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
