so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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