Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
