He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
