aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Im part way to drunk.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
