Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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