Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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