Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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