Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
