the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
