I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
