It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
