I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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