saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
