i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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