im six kinds of drunk right now
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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