i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
