Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
