i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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