I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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