Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize