Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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