Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
