First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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