hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME