thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.