Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
