He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.