I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
