I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
