I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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