I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
