I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
