**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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