Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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