i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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