The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
