she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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