While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
