Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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