i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
