Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
