when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
