My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
