i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
