Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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