There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I want is dick and wine.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
