When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
