im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
