If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
