Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
