i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize