Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize