Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
