Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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