it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
