I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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