Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
