Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
