he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
