I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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