I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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