I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
