Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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