Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
