I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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